Sunday, August 5, 2012

Emotions (Insert Mariah Carey here)

This week has been hard. Emotionally, physically, psychologically...hard. This blog has never been too focused on the emotional side of my recovery, because most of it has been too difficult to share and too personal to mention. But I do need to say that for me recovering from a heart attack has been less of a physically difficult milestone in my life and more of an emotional one. There is a lot of fear, anxiety, sadness, grieving and resilience that goes into this process. I've had to face fears I've never even thought about before, and deal with realities of life that I never knew existed. I also make no secret that my biggest character flaw is my lack of patience. I get frustrated easily when things don't go my way or when the process becomes slow regardless of the amount of work I've put into it. Although it's been 6 months, this frustration remains and it's difficult to deal with. Add a heaping scoop of anxiety into the mix and you have yourself a situation.

Most of my close friends know I've been going to therapy since February, which has helped tremendously. I get to vent out all of my thoughts that I'm too embarrassed to say to anyone else. As someone who never really got all that stressed prior to this heart attack, it's been difficult dealing with this change. Therapy has definitely been a necessity and I would advise anyone in the same situation to go. More than likely the anxiety is my body's reaction to what has happened to it so I'm hoping it is gone sooner rather than later. I say all of this not to scare anyone but to educate others. Recovery is not easy but talking about it helps. ♥

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