January 25th was the day I got my stent. Today is February 25th. I guess I can safely say I've been heart attack free for 1 month. This past month has been one of the most emotional, eye-opening, deeply profound months of my life. There have been days I've been elated with life and days I've felt dark. I've laughed, cried, and yelled more than I have in a long time. I've contemplated my life's dreams, and also stared numbly at the wall. My life has instantly become more complicated, mysterious, and meaningful.
I spent this 25th in Naples for my doc program. One of my favorite places to reflect and clear my head is the beach. Don't ask me why...I didn't have one for 25 years in NY and did just fine, but it's my go-to in Florida. The first couple years of teaching down here I would drive out to the ocean once or twice a month after work just to sit and watch the waves a few minutes before driving home. So since I was in Naples, I had to hit the sand. Today was the first time I've done that since the heart attack. There's something about the simplicity of water rolling, crashing, and then rolling again that is cleansing and puts things into perspective. Even though the morning was foggy, it didn't stop me from standing with my feet in the water, toes grasping at the rushing sand, and my fears and anxieties sliding out to something bigger than me. They really should bottle that feeling.
I don't know what the next month will bring. Heck, I don't even know what the next day might bring. But I am almost certain that my emotions will continue to rise and fall like the waves. I just have to hold on and wait for the tide to turn. ♥
|foggy but perfect|